Individuality is key.

Having a daughter is so much fun! There's no dirt and worms...just lip gloss and tutus...no dump trucks and race cars, just cute barbie dolls and pink doll houses. No football or wrestling, just ballet and cheerleading! 

WRONG.

How wrong I am.....

My daughter hates dolls, ballet, and cheerleading. She loves sports, mud, and garbage trucks. Jordyn has always had a huge personality she has such unique little quirks about her...she's sassy, but shy, very inquisitive, silly and kind of a dare devil. Even though she always had this giant personality, it wasn't until she turned 5 that she really started to come into her own. A large part of that, i think, was me letting go of what I WANTED her to be and allowing her to be herself. I found that I spent a lot of time telling her to CALM DOWN...or STOP MOVING SO MUCH. A lot of her questions were answered with "i don't know Jordyn" because i thought the answers to be too complicated for her to understand.  Each time i told her to calm down or stop moving I witnessed her little light dim.

How dare I dim my own daughters light? I didn't know better. Over time i've learned that when I want her to calm down I just need to redirect her energy by offering her another activity or game to play.  I answer her questions fully and when I don't know the answer we look the answer up together and was pleasantly surprised to find that she was soaking up this information despite my doubts that some information was too advanced for her. 

I've learned to encourage her individuality and to adapt my parenting style to fit her specific needs and that One size fits all parenting will never work. 

I find that we cannot label and generalize our children. If we do that, we are allowing society to (further) generalize them and to view them as having the same standards and beliefs as any group they are associated with, and since I can't always be there to watch her every move and hand pick her friends.....those views can either be good or bad. 

It is the job of educators to teach our children to conform.  The story about the young boy who got bullied and then was told by his school to stop bringing his My Little Pony lunchbox to school because it was a trigger for bullying, is proof of that. And while conformity doesn't always have to be a bad thing in every situation, it's important to me to teach my daughter that she doesn't need to look outside herself for self-gratification. As parents, we should support our children in embracing their individual selves. 

So, how do I help my daughter embrace her individuality?...

Start with yourself.

We cannot expect our children to embrace their individual selves if we do not. Whatever inner conflict we have with ourselves we must resolve before embarking on a journey to help our children embrace their inner selves. 

Listen and encourage.

Children our very vocal about their wants and needs if they are given the chance to be. Listen to your childs interest. REALLY listen. Today she might be into one thing, and tomorrow the next and thats ok. She needs to know that I am interested in anything that she is interested in. Listen to your children and encourage exploration of those interest. Encourage boldness. Encourage uniqueness. Encourage questions. Encourage exploration. Encourage creativity. 

Reading.

Take a trip to the library and look for books that focus on embracing your individual self. A really cute book called SPAGHETTI IN A HOT DOG BUN by Marie Dismondy, is about a little girl that is teased about everything from her curly hair to what she likes to eat but finds the courage to always be who she is. Books like this show children it's ok to embrace themselves and all of their quirks.

Don't tell them to change.

Their hairstyle. Their shoes. Their clothes. The way they sing. The way they dance. Don't tell them to change. These little quirks make up your child. Telling them to change, is like telling them they aren't good enough. 

Something as small as their backpack gives them the chance to have their personality shine through. There are A LOT of sparkly Justice backpacks going around the campus of Jordyns school this year, and while they are very adorable, i just can't imagine THAT many little girls loving all of these sparkly prints without a push from mom. They all look the same, if someone were to lose their backpack, it wouldn't be obvious who to return it to. Jordyn carries a Super Mario Brothers backpack and lunchbox, because thats what SHE wanted.  She had me iron on a Pinky Pie My Little Pony iron on and has a rainbow Dash clipped to the zipper. If she lost her backpack, i'm 100% sure everyone would know who to return it to because it reflects who she is! 

A little boy at school recently said to her " isn't that for boys?" but because Jordyn is confident in the person she is....she replied with a " no, girls can like Mario too."

Allowing our children to be who they are, is one of the best gifts we can give them. Each child is unique. Each child has something special to give. Don't put them in a bubble. 

IT IS IMPORTANT TO FOSTER INDIVIDUALITY, FOR ONLY THE INDIVIDUAL CAN FOSTER NEW IDEAS- Albert Einstein.

Xo, Jeanice