"Life is a great big canvas, throw all the paint you can on it."

Today Jordyn and i painted rocks. Jordyn had so much fun painting them that she has declared today is " the best day ever." 

We sat out in the backyard, painted and talked about our day. Whenever we create together we use it as time to discuss how things are going in our lives, how we're feeling or what we plan on doing for the rest of the day. Jordyn has so gotten used to our talks during craft time that she is now the one initiating the conversations. 

Jordyn loves to create. I read an article a while ago about creativity being the key component to health and happiness. I don't know how scientifically proven it is but, as a creative person i do know that i get really unhappy if i don't have time to make/bake/paint/ or decorate something. My mood changes, I'm grouchy and not fun to be around. So,i do my best to encourage and nourish Jordyns love for creating because i don't want her to fall into a bad mood because she can't color me a picture of Fluttershy. 

The key is to make your home a petri dish for creativity. In our case, Jordyns room is designed to suit her love for creating.

She has a designated area for her art supplies. 

These sit on a shelf just beside her desk and are kept in tote buckets so that she can easily bring them into the living room and hang out with me and make things. These aren't super fancy or pinterest worthy but, they get the job done. In each tote basket we keep popsicle sticks, scrap paper, glitter, googley eyes, rhinestones, glitter, glue, glue sticks,  glitter, construction paper, craft scissors, glitter, stickers, foam shapes, glitter, cut out letters, glitter, cut out numbers and last but not least, glitter. Next to these totes we keep a box of pom poms and kids art tape printed with cute little designs. 

Having her supplies in an easy to reach place allows her to access them whenever she feels the creative bug bite.

Jordyns closet doors are also chalkboard. Not really much to explain here. They're pink. and she can write on them?…….done deal.

I created a reading nook in her room. This is where she creates stories and her imagination runs wild. The rain gutter bookshelves are great because she can easily see all of her favorite books.

Jordyn loves to play dress up. She's an only child so she dresses up and plays with her imaginary friend a lot.( she may just be talking to herself I'm not really sure.) but, i encourage it and support it. I use a clothing rack to store her dress up clothes so that they're easily visible and accessible to her. 

Anything Jordyn makes she wants to display. Our fridge is covered in her artwork but, she likes to be surrounded by her creations. 

The art wall in her room is what we use to show off her bigger paintings. Whenever she paints something new that she wants to hang, we simply change them out. 

Next to her desk we hang any other things she has created. puppets,flags,turkey, bananas….It makes her happy to show off her creations to her friends or friends parents that are seeing her room for the first time.

Nurturing your childs creative abilities requires us as parents to back off. Let go and leave artistic decisions up to them. Children develop creativity through various outlets. Music, dance, drawing, painting sculpting, playing, really the possibilities are endless. I encourage you to help your child find their passion and then back off. Let them create that dinosaur with flamingo legs that barks like a dog. 

Xo, Jeanice.

Naturally confident.

When i say Jordyn loves her hair. Its an understatement. I think the question i get asked most is "how do you get her to love her hair?" Truth is, i don't 'get' her to do anything. I allow her to be free in her decisions about her hair. 

Let them choose hairstyles: I ask Jordyn how she wants her hair done. She almost always wants her wear it out but she also loves her hair in buns and puffs. Allowing her to choose her hair style for the day makes her happy all day long. When someone says to her " i like your hair" she responds with " thank you,i picked out how i wanted it by myself!"

Lead by example: I think that this has been said over and over again but i can't stress how important it is. Children mimic. Its our duty as parents to set a good example in everything we do. Including our hair. I embrace my natural hair. So Jordyn embraces her natural hair. We have wash day together so that she feels more like mommy. I let her play in and style my hair. She's in a phase where she wants to be twinsies with mommy. If i wear 2 french braids. She wants 2 french braids. If i have a top bun, she wants a top bun. We can't expect our children to embrace something we haven't embraced ourselves yet. The journey to having your child fully accept themselves and their hair starts with you. 

expose them to people that look like them: Jordyn gets a little smile on her face when people compare her to Zuri from the Disney show Jessie. Her best friends mother has coined her " our own personal Zuri" We went to the store one time and 2 cashiers both commented on how cute her hair was and how she reminded them of Zuri. Its not that Jordyn and Zuri look alike, but their hair is very similar and Jordyns personality is just as big as Zuri is on the show. When we go to Target, she loves seeing the curly haired kids on the advertisements. ( I love Target for the interracial marketing by the way.) Everytime we go into Target, Jordyn comments " thats me and Marcella."  It makes her feel good seeing kids like her that are "famous" She thinks its cool. I also like to expose her to other adults that look like her. Sometimes looking like mommy isn't enough. She likes to know that other people in the world have hair like hers. It makes me happy when i show her photos of women and she coins them "beautiful like me" without me having to say anything.

Be gentle when combing and styling: A big reason why curly haired and natural kids start to hate their hair is the pain that is associated with getting it styled. Who is going to love their hair when they know that when its time to get it done they are going to be in pain? Be gentle. Finger comb if you can. Take your time. Don't pull pony tails too tight. Moisturize. Do not comb when dry. The only time i comb Jordyns hair is when it is saturated with water and conditioner. I try to make the process as painless as possible so that she doesn't associate getting her hair done with pain.

Show them what heat and chemical damage can do: Jordyn has never asked me to straighten her hair. She has asked me why i don't straighten my hair but some people do. " It's not very good for my hair" i tell her. Of course she asks why? I show her pictures of what heat and chemical damage can do to hair. I don't dictate to her that she isn't allowed to straighten it (again, I'm raising her to make her own decisions)  I just let her know the consequences of putting heat and chemicals on her hair.

Everyone is different: The biggest thing i try to teach Jordyn is that everyone is different. Not the fact that every has different skin or everyone has different hair. But everyone is different in how they choose to style their natural hair. Just because we don't put relaxers in our hair, doesn't mean that kids that have relaxers don't have beautiful hair. That is their parents choice. If a parent chooses to straighten their childs hair. That is their choice. I try to let her know that everyone has a choice. My choice is to not put chemicals and heat on my hair. Her choice is to follow in my foot steps. If she ever decides she wants to straighten her hair or chemically relax it. She will know and understand the consequences and be able to make an informed decision. I will let her do whatever she decides. So far, when i ask her "do you want straight hair?" She looks at me like I'm crazy and says " heck no girl, do you see these beautiful curls?"
Thats my girl…

Xo, Jeanice

Being the black sheep can be a good thing.

Jordyn tends to want to be a people pleaser. A lot of times her answers to my questions about what she wants to do are "well what do you want mommy?" Or " if you want me to." . She aims to please. This isn't always necessarily a bad thing. She is very compassionate and generous and always willing to give. 

But I want her to know its ok to be a leader. To not always be a crowd pleaser and to pave her own way and make her own decisions. 

Here are a few things that we've been working on.

Assertiveness: I want her to know that it's ok for her to take the lead. 

Little things like letting her decide what we have for dinner or what movie we watch as a family let her know it's ok to make decisions based on what she wants and not just go with whatever it is she thinks we want.  Teaching assertiveness now will give her the confidence to be assertive and stand up for herself in school.

Do your personal best and don't compare yourself to others: In gymnastics, they have to climb a rope that extends all the way down from the ceiling. Some girls are great at it. Some are not. Jordyn falls into the are not category. 2 weeks ago she came out of class crying. Upset that no matter how much she tried she couldn't get up the rope and the other girls could. We sat out in the parking lot talking for a while. I explained to her that while the other girls may be great at climbing the rope, I was proud that she tried over and over again. No matter how many times she fell, she got back up and tried again. This past Monday she climbed half way up the rope and while it may not have been to the very top like the other girls, she was proud. She told everyone about how she did it because she tried hard and didn't worry about the other girls.  

Bad ideas and good ideas: she is raised to understand that good ideas are good ideas because of the actual idea and not because they are endorsed or praised by some people. I ask her to think beforehand and determine whether something is a bad idea or a good idea and not just go with the flow. 

Children naturally conform to each other. They naturally mimic and influence each other. Non-conformity is something that must be taught. I stress a lot that she shouldn't do something just because other people are. She shouldn't like things just because other kids like them. 

I think it's working. Because while most girls in her class dressed up as a princess for character day at school, my girl wanted to be Skippy Jon Jones, the Siamese cat who thinks he's a chihuahua. :) 

Xo, Jeanice

The confident child is the happy child.

I'm raising a daughter. 

I'm raising a daughter in a time where morals, family values, and respect seem to have gone out the window. I'm doing my best to help build up her confidence at a young age so that when the world tries to knock her down, she is strong enough to stand her ground. 

I'm raising a free thinker.

In a world that wants you to conform and believe what the media wants you to believe, i'm raising a free thinker. I'm raising my daughter to believe what SHE wants to believe about the world, to be curious, to ask questions and to not just take things at face value.

Jordyn is thriving. She loves herself. She is confident in her skin. She's proud of her smarts.Apparently, I'm doing an ok job.

I've summed up a majority of what i do to help her be more confident. Here are the top 5 things i believe are most important.

1. LISTEN to them. Listen when its the small stuff because it is important to them. It's all big stuff to them no matter how small it is to you. Children like to feel like they're being heard and understood. If you're not listening to them they are bound to shut down and not speak up to anyone anymore. 

Just LISTEN. Engage in conversations with them. Make the fact that Rainbow Dash was being mean to Pinky Pie a big deal. Because it is. To them. 

2. Let them express themselves. Jordyn likes to wear mismatched socks. I used to make her go put on socks that matched and instantly saw her mood change. I then started to wonder why it even mattered to me if her socks matched but her smile was gone? Her head hung a little lower. So i started letting her wear her socks however she wanted and she was happy and PROUD. Now when i tell her to put socks on, she is glad to and proudly shows me her 2 different socks. Let them express themselves however they want. It helps them to feel as if they matter no matter how "different" they are.

3. Let them make decisions and live with the consequence. I asked Jordyn to clean her room one day, she told me she didn't want to because it took too long. OK. Later that day when it was time to leave for gymnastics i asked her to go put on her leotard. She couldn't find it. She asked me to help her look for it and i said no. If she had cleaned her room like i asked, she would be able to find it. She had to wear shorts and a shirt to class that day. A week later, i asked Jordyn to put her hamper in the laundry room. She didn't. She then wanted to wear a pair of her favorite shorts. They were dirty. I told her had she put her hamper in the laundry room like i asked her to they would have been clean. She had to wear something else. This morning i woke up to her cleaning her room. And, her hamper is in the laundry room. Let them make decisions for themselves but also let them live with the consequences. Don't criticize their decisions. Criticism could make them second guess themselves and cause insecurities about the next decision they need to make which will result in them not having the confidence to make any decisions for themselves….(Were talking within reason here….obviously if your child is choosing to burn down the neighbors mailbox you should put a stop to that.)

4. Pursue their interest. Jordyn wanted to be a cheerleader. So i let her be a cheerleader. She then discovered that she hated being out in the heat for hours. So we quit. (we live in Las Vegas…heat means 105) Jordyn then wanted to be a ballerina but got bored with how stiff she had to be. So we quit.(she's a mover and a shaker. a real dancing queen.)  Jordyn then watched the Gabby Douglas movie and instantly became obsessed with gymnastics. So, we started gymnastics. Within a month she was invited to be part of an invite only team. Now, she lives and breathes gymnastics. She loves it SO much. She found her passion. Let them pursue what they think they're interested in until they find their passion. A lot of parents talk about teaching children not to quit and thats fine. But I'm a believer in not doing anything you're not happy doing. When we did ballet there was a mom who bribed her daughter everyday with candy just so the girl would take the class. WHY? If she doesn't want to be a ballerina….dont force her. i believe children who are forced into activities they don't want to be in at a young age are more likely to be easily influenced by peer pressure and pushed into things they don't want to be in when they're older. 

5. Ask them to point out one reason they love themselves everyday. I ask Jordyn why she loved herself that day at bedtime each night. At first, it was hard for her to find a reason she had to think long and hard about it. Now when i ask her she can tell me quickly. Teaching children to find reasons to love and compliment themselves and not to live or die for the compliments of others is essential to raising a confident kid. They need to know that it doesn't matter if the world loves you. As long as you love you…..you can do anything. This lesson is the biggest lesson I'm teaching my daughter. Too many grown men and women live and die for the compliments of others. This is the most important thing in my book. When children learn to love and accept themselves at a young age, the compliments of others will be nice…..but not a necessity.

Xo, Jeanice.