I'm raising a daughter.
I'm raising a daughter in a time where morals, family values, and respect seem to have gone out the window. I'm doing my best to help build up her confidence at a young age so that when the world tries to knock her down, she is strong enough to stand her ground.
I'm raising a free thinker.
In a world that wants you to conform and believe what the media wants you to believe, i'm raising a free thinker. I'm raising my daughter to believe what SHE wants to believe about the world, to be curious, to ask questions and to not just take things at face value.
Jordyn is thriving. She loves herself. She is confident in her skin. She's proud of her smarts.Apparently, I'm doing an ok job.
I've summed up a majority of what i do to help her be more confident. Here are the top 5 things i believe are most important.
1. LISTEN to them. Listen when its the small stuff because it is important to them. It's all big stuff to them no matter how small it is to you. Children like to feel like they're being heard and understood. If you're not listening to them they are bound to shut down and not speak up to anyone anymore.
Just LISTEN. Engage in conversations with them. Make the fact that Rainbow Dash was being mean to Pinky Pie a big deal. Because it is. To them.
2. Let them express themselves. Jordyn likes to wear mismatched socks. I used to make her go put on socks that matched and instantly saw her mood change. I then started to wonder why it even mattered to me if her socks matched but her smile was gone? Her head hung a little lower. So i started letting her wear her socks however she wanted and she was happy and PROUD. Now when i tell her to put socks on, she is glad to and proudly shows me her 2 different socks. Let them express themselves however they want. It helps them to feel as if they matter no matter how "different" they are.
3. Let them make decisions and live with the consequence. I asked Jordyn to clean her room one day, she told me she didn't want to because it took too long. OK. Later that day when it was time to leave for gymnastics i asked her to go put on her leotard. She couldn't find it. She asked me to help her look for it and i said no. If she had cleaned her room like i asked, she would be able to find it. She had to wear shorts and a shirt to class that day. A week later, i asked Jordyn to put her hamper in the laundry room. She didn't. She then wanted to wear a pair of her favorite shorts. They were dirty. I told her had she put her hamper in the laundry room like i asked her to they would have been clean. She had to wear something else. This morning i woke up to her cleaning her room. And, her hamper is in the laundry room. Let them make decisions for themselves but also let them live with the consequences. Don't criticize their decisions. Criticism could make them second guess themselves and cause insecurities about the next decision they need to make which will result in them not having the confidence to make any decisions for themselves….(Were talking within reason here….obviously if your child is choosing to burn down the neighbors mailbox you should put a stop to that.)
4. Pursue their interest. Jordyn wanted to be a cheerleader. So i let her be a cheerleader. She then discovered that she hated being out in the heat for hours. So we quit. (we live in Las Vegas…heat means 105) Jordyn then wanted to be a ballerina but got bored with how stiff she had to be. So we quit.(she's a mover and a shaker. a real dancing queen.) Jordyn then watched the Gabby Douglas movie and instantly became obsessed with gymnastics. So, we started gymnastics. Within a month she was invited to be part of an invite only team. Now, she lives and breathes gymnastics. She loves it SO much. She found her passion. Let them pursue what they think they're interested in until they find their passion. A lot of parents talk about teaching children not to quit and thats fine. But I'm a believer in not doing anything you're not happy doing. When we did ballet there was a mom who bribed her daughter everyday with candy just so the girl would take the class. WHY? If she doesn't want to be a ballerina….dont force her. i believe children who are forced into activities they don't want to be in at a young age are more likely to be easily influenced by peer pressure and pushed into things they don't want to be in when they're older.
5. Ask them to point out one reason they love themselves everyday. I ask Jordyn why she loved herself that day at bedtime each night. At first, it was hard for her to find a reason she had to think long and hard about it. Now when i ask her she can tell me quickly. Teaching children to find reasons to love and compliment themselves and not to live or die for the compliments of others is essential to raising a confident kid. They need to know that it doesn't matter if the world loves you. As long as you love you…..you can do anything. This lesson is the biggest lesson I'm teaching my daughter. Too many grown men and women live and die for the compliments of others. This is the most important thing in my book. When children learn to love and accept themselves at a young age, the compliments of others will be nice…..but not a necessity.
Xo, Jeanice.
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