I never knew how intense the youth athlete scene was until Jordyn started playing basketball.....I mean, some of these parents have crazy, unrealistic expectations for their children. I see and hear it all the time, at almost every practice...the overzealous parent sideline coaching and threatening to punish their 9 year old if they don't " do it right"
Correct me if i'm wrong but, isn't that what practice is for?....For the child to LEARN HOW TO DO IT RIGHT?
It seems that parents are looking to build trophy kids rather than focusing on keeping their children happy, active and healthy. There seems to be a place in youth sports for tension, animosity, parental rivalry, anxiety, anger, and dysfunction.....and very little space is reserved for actual FUN.
I've witnessed a parent completely attack and belittle his child after the game, he tormented the child with everything he did wrong the whole walk out of the gym as tears rolled down the poor boys face.
I know one parent, who said he and his wife have their childs whole basketball career planned out up until college and the NBA......he's 9.
Another, who is currently searching for a home to purchase near a high school with a high ranking basketball team for her son to play on...he's 5.
And another, who has very rudely suggested to us that we don't care about our childs advancement and growth in basketball because we "aren't that hard on her".
The examples can go on and on....and honestly, I start to hate youth sports because of it.
Plus, the parents constantly playing this "my kid is better than your kid" game is exhausting.
And ok.....I mean, I don't think they're bad parents, I do think they get wound up in the idea of having a young "star" athlete" or are caught up in the idea that they're 2nd grader could get a free ride to college in the form of an athletic scholarship.
I guess i'm the oddball out when it comes to the youth sports scene. I focus my attention on the happiness of my child rather than pushing her to the point of defeat and exhaustion chasing a dream that may not even be hers.
Here are a few to the things I do to make sure Jordyn remains a happy, well rounded youth athlete.
1.
I focus on Jordyn being active, healthy, and having fun.I'm always sure to highlight her personal growths and success rather than the outcome of the game, win or lose. Of course, I acknowledge the wins and losses but errors are not corrected with humiliation and I make sure to let her know that the wins or losses do not make or break her as an athlete, her attitude, will to work & commit to growing does.
2
Her games are just that, games
They are not a testament or reflection of my quality of parenting or of her as a child. They are also not a chance for me to get a little boost in my own ego if she plays well. The games are there for her happiness and improvement.
3.
I let Jordyn lead the way, I guide...but I don't steer.
I help her set her own goals for her sport and guide her in pursuing those goals but I do not take over and steer her car. I do not ever put my own goals and expectations onto her. This is HER thing....not mine, i'm here to assist not to direct.
4.
I let her know its ok to be competitive.
Competition teaches us to bring our best efforts, to take risk, and to cope when things don't go our way. The competition in sports teaches her that sometimes you work hard and things don't go your way, and thats ok. She learns resilience that will follow her into adulthood.
Truth is, most parents don't have enough self awareness to realize that our children are not second chances to live up to our long lost legacies....which is what I think happens a lot in youth sports. Too many parents treat the success of their children as a means to make up for their own losses, and its crippling.
As parents, we hould focus on the fact that there are so many benefits of raising youth athletes that have nothing to do with scholarships and superficial recognition.
From building self-esteem, grit, goal setting, and grace to learning commitment, being part of a community, and performing better in school.
The list of benefits of youth sports is almost endless but for our children to really soak up the lessons that come from them, we've got to help guide them in pursuit of what THEY want and stop steering them in the direction of our own selfish goals.
Xo, Jeanice