I am a feminist, a proud one. I advocate strongly for womens rights and equality. My wardrobe is filled with clothing that reads "revolutionary", " Power to the girls", or " The future is female". My pillow talk is less on the sexy side and more on the " isn't it a shame that women in the U.S. have such inadequate maternity care?!"
Yeah, I am a full fledged, flaming feminist. And it wasnt until I heard Jordyn call herself a "FEMALE-IST" that I realized my feminist heart was rubbing off onto her......and let me teeeellllll you, I was overjoyed!!
if you've read my I taught my daughter feminism, my daughter taught me activism post you know a little bit about my journey growing into a strong, active, feminist. You also know how proud I am that at such a young age, Jordyn stands up for what is right to her.....
Let me tell you a quick story.....
A few weeks ago at school Jordyn was sorting items into piles of "man made" or "natural" and as she was sorting her items she was saying " woman made, girl made, natural, woman made.." etc...A boy in her class questioned her " why are you saying woman made?" to which she responded " because women make stuff too" The boy then said " women don't do anything" and that caused a 20 minute argument between her and 2 other boys about a womens role in history...because you simply cannot tell Jordyn that women and girls don't do anything and get away with it. The other boy was on her side and he is now my favorite classmate of hers. He said " women did a lot, when men came home from war, who do you think helped take care of them? Who do you think nursed wounded soldiers back to health?. They're arguments may not all have been accurate but its the principle and i'd be lying if I said I didn't swell with pride....
So ok, her issues don't include closing the wage gap, or the governments continuous efforts to chip away at womens reproductive rights, and instead include things like girls can play basketball too and never backing down from a challenge just because a boy says she can't do something.
But still, she is standing up for what is right and that is what being a feminist is all about.
I never put much thought into HOW I started raising Jordyn as a feminist, it was something that happened naturally but I have gotten quite a few questions on how to start that conversation with your kiddos so i've put together a few tips that have worked for me.
1.PRACTICE SELF-CARE.
This is especially important. Our girls soak up each and every little thing we do so it's vital that they see us making ourselves a priority. We need to show our daughters the importance of loving, empowering, and supporting ourselves so they grow to give themselves that same respect and support.
2. DON'T JUDGE OTHER WOMEN.
The worst thing we can do is talk bad about and judge other women in front of our young girls. We can't show them that their mommy is a mean girl and expect them to grow up and be different. Instead, support, and praise other women....show them that girl power is real and that every woman is worthwhile.
3. HAVE BODY POSITIVE CONVERSATIONS.
Using words like vagina and breasts with our daughters may seem a bit awkward at first but instilling a strong sense of body positivity and awareness at a young age helps build a foundation of a healthy sexuality that they will carry with them as they grow. Having body positive conversations and honoring our children bodies instead of being bashful and shying away from it, increases their self confidence and helps create that lifelong conversation about health and sexuality we all hope to have with out kiddos.
4. BE MORE THAN MOM
It's important that our girls see us pursuing our own dreams, having our own friends, having our own hobbies and interests outside of being mom....so that they can see that they can aspire to be more because the woman they look up to most, does too.
5 WATCH THEIR MEDIA.
Mainstream media does a good job of reinforcing gender roles and stereotypes that influence the way young girls view and value themselves. Monitoring what they are reading, watching, and listening to is vitally important in making sure they don't fall victim to the pressures of stereotyping.
6. HONOR STRONG WOMEN THAT CAME BEFORE YOU.
Representation matters! Fill your conversations with talk about women in history. Our daughters need to know about the strong women who came and fought for gender freedom before us.
7. TAKE THEM TO ATTEND PROTESTS WITH YOU.
When our daughters witness first hand, moments of protest and activism, it is empowering. Bring them with you and encourage them to use their voices to speak out against injustice. Just be sure you are in a safe situation.
8. DITCH THE STEREOTYPES
Don't teach young girls that "boys will be boys" and when it comes to toys, clothes, hobbies, books, or sports make sure your daughter knows that she has freedom of choice. So much of what limits our daughters is us pushing this social norm of gender roles. I have never told my daughter to "be more lady like" or to " act like a girl"....I mean, If the girl wants to wear baggy clothes and play football, let her!
9. FILL YOUR HOME WITH BOOKS ABOUT FEMINISM.
Whether its written by a female author or has a strong female lead, books are how children explore the world...why not expose them to books that portray how strong women and girls really are.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST....
10. TEACH HER TO REJECT LIKEABILITY.
I've always raised Jordyn to understand that not everyone will like her and that she does not have to like everyone. I've never been that parent that said " you have to be friends with all your classmates".
If you worry too much about being liked, you will never have an authentic thought, feeling, or idea of your own.You will always be bound by that nagging pressure to please people and be liked.
Nigerian author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, said it best:
“Her job is not to make herself likeable, her job is to be her full self, a self that is honest and aware of the equal humanity of other people...Please do not ever put this pressure on your daughter. We teach girls to be likeable, to be nice, to be false. And we do not teach boys the same. This is dangerous. Many sexual predators have capitalized on this. Many girls remain silent when abused because they want to be nice. Many girls spend too much time trying to be ‘nice’ to people who do them harm. Many girls think of the ‘feelings’ of those who are hurting them. This is the catastrophic consequence of likeability.”
The most important thing to me is to teach my daughter that feminism isn't about making women and girls strong....we are already strong. It's not about women being better than men.
It's about equality. Plain and simple.
Xo,
Jeanice :)